This has been a slow period for about a month where I work. During times like this I like to reflect, appreciate the position I am in and think of the next steps from here and why I want to achieve them. The primary driver for me currently is financial security. I used to be one of those that did because others said it could not be done, I enjoyed the challenge. Now I face a different dilemma: continue to coast after achieving with nothing else to prove but possibly aiming for a higher goal serving only to create a higher goal or redirect myself toward finding what will make me happier? Sales is and was a means to an end, the path now is one that will serve to benefit others more than myself. To serve better is best; how best can I serve is my question.
Life has led me here to try and answer that question and it may require a great deal of energy and revisiting. I am fortunate to be granted the luxury to do so and not have to stress daily about how I will survive in the meantime. How far does one go, to create safety, how much is enough to create security or is any amount merely an illusion? Couldn’t the world end tomorrow? Couldn’t I die of a sudden illness, couldn’t my life change for the worse because of some unforeseen event that deprives me of the vision of my better self.
I fear waiting too long and missing a great opportunity, and I fear chasing something because it makes me feel safer and more secure. These are the wrong reasons to pursue anything. I’m not sure why I am obsessed with this pursuit in personal accomplishment. I believe somehow my happiness will spill over and be shared by those around me. One day I hope to be able to share this, my dreams, neither restrained by my past nor tethered to my future, simply present and grateful.
What if the Great Barrier Reef Dies before I see it. What if air pollution ruins the sunset I’ve always wanted to see or what if wealth inequality creates animosity that forbids travel between countries? I fear not seeing and doing what I perceive will make my life more fulfilled, fearing that which I was given the opportunity to achieve and missed. My greatest fear though is forgoing the journey inside myself which I know will require more time of me than anything I have ever endeavored to accomplish.
Is this a delusion or is this.
From A Salesman 